Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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