Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
