Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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