I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize