I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
