What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
