Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
