yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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