i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize