Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
