Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
