Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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