Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
