Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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