You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
