some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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