I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
