I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
