I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
