Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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