how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
