I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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