fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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