i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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