Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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