nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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