Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
