turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
