How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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