This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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