We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
