You smell like a Billy Joel song
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
