i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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