I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
