Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do herpes really smell.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
