You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
