i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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