I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
