I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
