Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
