when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
