yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
