i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
