i barfeds in our rink
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
