stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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