sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
soo... how was my night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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