that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
