dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
