Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
