Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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