He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
