I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
