I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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