i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
