What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
