She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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