But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
