The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
