Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
