So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
