I think I am morally bankrupt
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
