Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
