I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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