fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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