I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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